I’m a Hypocrite

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It’s been over a year since my first and last post. Not that anyone read it. I’m not being bitter, just honest. No one cared. That’s fine. They shouldn’t have. I was all angsty and bitter, and despite being nineteen years of age at the time I came across as one of those crotchety old fuddy duddies who prattles on and on about “millenials” and all that horseshit. “You kids are all so self-centered! This country’s gone down the toilet! I ruined the economy! Why don’t they make beds like they used to? I tip horribly!”

But that post was not only long-winded, it was also bullshit because….

*drumroll*

I’M ON TWITTER NOW! WOOOOOO!

*no applause*

Yeah, I know. After such a spiel you’d think I’d stick to my guns and rot in a corner alongside Martha and Gretchen down at St. Paul’s Nursing Home. You probably even wanted me to, seeing as I was damning your kind to hell and back for doing what I did at one point throughout high school and am now doing again. But let me tell you: I’m better at it than you. Witness the wit and wisdom of the dark crevasses of my mind in action with tweets like this:

Ever wonder how I’m feeling at any given time or place? Now you don’t have to! Check this shit out:

I’m also rather gifted in quickfire witticisms whenever I, on the rare occasion, interact with another human being. Watch and learn, young lion.

I’m so good at this, it’s no wonder I have a whopping thirty followers. Wowie zowie!

No in all seriousness I know I’m a hypocrite. I’m self-aware enough to know that I’m no better than you. Not only am I on social media now but I’m also just as illiterate and narcissistic as the next person (aside from the shit toilet girl, who I’ll get to in just a moment.)

That moment is right now. I will make no apologies for being disgusted not only with her but with humanity upon seeing such a thing. There is no excuse for showing us that, and the assumption that we would want to see it offends me even more. Still, after over a year has passed, I still hate that girl. But I’ve learned that one extreme case doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re all that bad.

Here’s a little analogy for you: You know when you’re sick with the flu and you throw up bologna in the bathtub, and it’s such an unpleasant experience that you swear off bologna forever? But then several years later you revisit bologna and realize it isn’t that bad? It’s like that. I’ve realized that I made a rash decision by damning everyone who uses social media, but can you blame me after seeing something like that? I mean, how would you respond? I mean, really? Would the idea that social media is a disgrace to humanity not somehow cross your mind? So I’ve taken time off, come back, and found that the bologna isn’t so bad after all. But I make no apologies.

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